How To Have Monogamous Gay Relationships
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A better title for this video is: “Monogamy and its Three Stages of Development”. We will apply this framework to gay relationships that lead to marriage and sharing a house together.
Monogamy is a topic that most people discuss and wonder about. Throughout history, humans have practiced monogamous relationships, and it remains a prevalent concept in today’s society. However, achieving monogamy is not as simple as it sounds. It requires a complex process that involves emotional, psychological, and social preparation.
Paul Angelo, a relationship coach, highlights the importance of recognizing the complexities of monogamous relationships. Before embarking on a monogamous relationship, we should understand that changing from non-monogamy into monogamy requires a massive behavioral shift. There are powerful emotional journeys involved as we are complex beings with emotions, social feedback loops, and intricate thought processes.
Expecting monogamy from a young 25-year-old gay man, or a 35-year-old man can be difficult. However, at 45 years and beyond, a man may be ready to embrace monogamy fully. But how do we reach this stage of readiness?
Before reaching the stage of monogamy, an individual must go through three stages of development according to Nathaniel Brandon’s three-stage framework: individuation, socialization, and domestication.
The first stage of development is individuation. Individuation involves fully accepting and embracing one’s identity. In the context of monogamous relationships, this means accepting one’s attraction towards a potential partner and acknowledging it without shame or fear.
The second stage of development is socialization. Socialization entails going to healthy social situations where communication, emotion, and time spent with others can build healthy relationships. Today, society lacks healthy social outlets, which has resulted in missed opportunities to socialize and develop healthy social relationships. This situation negatively impacts relationships, leading to social awkwardness and anxiety, thus, affecting an individual’s ability to attain monogamy.
The final stage of development is domestication. According to Paul Angelo, this stage is the moment when we enter into a partnership, settle down, and embrace monogamy. This stage requires that we have acted out all our cravings as we have socialized ourselves and figured out what works for us.
Before entering into a monogamous relationship, individuals should have a series of sexual experiences over the course of a decade or two that combine sexual behavior with emotion. This process allows one to discover what type of sexual behaviors make them feel wonderful or awful, leading them to discover the type of behaviors that appeal to them more. This process has been coined “sexual completion” by Paul Angelo.
However, there is one more component to consider when it comes to monogamy: the Rebellion that men have within them. This Rebellion is imperative, as often, when someone says they want an open relationship or a polyamorous relationship, it may be because they do not want to be controlled by anyone else.
According to Paul Angelo, individuals rebel to get feedback from others, which they eventually take in and absorb into their consciousness. Rebellion is associated with socialization as part of self-discovery. People rebel to get feedback from others, and then, at a certain moment, they stop rebelling and are ready for monogamy. Rebellion is why you see men not wanting monogamy yet.
Importantly, men must be fully individuated, socialized, and domesticated before entering into a monogamous relationship. Men who have been socialized, have had experiences of love and sex before, and are ready to commit are more likely to be ready for monogamy.
However, for men who have not had the opportunity to socialize and have had limited experience with healthy social relationships, monogamy may not be possible. Such men are often found living in rural areas or without healthy social situations. They often rely on hookup apps to connect with others and end up having unhealthy and unwholesome relationships.
Monogamy is a beautiful thing to have, and in a perfect world, individuals will enter into that relationship genuinely because they want to, not because they have to. It’s a virtue that represents a finality in the process of living one’s life – a committed monogamous relationship brings spiritual and emotional wealth.
In conclusion, Paul Angelo affirms that monogamy is the ultimate frontier for happiness. It is a beautiful social container that gives us access to transcendental universal experiences. We can achieve monogamy if we recognize the complex nature of monogamous relationships, understand the three stages of development, and embrace the Rebellion within us by taking feedback from others and proceeding with healthy socialization. Only then can we experience the fullness of monogamy in all of its beauty and wonder.
Paul presents in his video the concept of monogamy viewed through the lens of a framework consisting of three stages – individuation, socialization, and domestication. He highlights that young gay men should not be expected to commit to monogamy as it takes time and experience to reach that stage, and emphasizes the importance of sexual completion as a precursor to readiness for monogamy.
Paul points out that socialization is a crucial missing element in modern society where individuals need to work through their quirks and behaviors to acquire the capacity for domestication. Domestication is the completion of an individual’s psychological development, leading to a point where they no longer crave the same things they used to. Monogamy is not possible without proper socialization, creating a challenge for individuals at partial stages of these three stages of development.
Paul also notes that, while monogamy may have a degree of containment and commitment, it is a beautiful thing that individuals should explore to achieve the ultimate frontier of happiness. Overall, Paul’s perspective highlights the importance of understanding the process of development necessary for monogamy and stresses the need for proper socialization as a critical element in achieving a state of readiness for this commitment.
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► About Paul Angelo MHA, MBA
After years of coaching gay men, Paul Angelo created Big Gay Family, a powerful solution to loneliness and relationship challenges. “It is not your fault that you are single. It is the fault of the dating platforms that enable abuse and turn gay men against each other.” –Paul Angelo
Paul’s expertise on the psychology of romantic relationships and gay sexuality has made him an established leader in this field. He has over 80 video testimonials and over 500 publicly available videos covering various topics related to gay psychology. Paul has created multiple video-based coaching programs about gay compatibility, gay psychology, and gay sexuality with the goal of helping gay men navigate the complexities of dating and relationships.
One of Paul’s significant contributions to the world of gay psychology is developing a new dating philosophy called CFC, aimed at simplifying dating and promoting monogamy. Paul created a new framework for gay sexuality, which emphasizes emotional connections for meaningful and long-lasting relationships.
Paul is the creator of Big Gay Family, an innovative social platform for gay men. It is a game-changer for men who are seeking meaningful relationships where men prioritize emotional connections over fleeting hookups.
Big Gay Family is open to any gay man looking for sincere friendships and lasting love. With Big Gay Family, there’s no need to rely on swiping apps or dating websites that prioritize quick and meaningless interactions. As a gay man, you can enjoy an all-inclusive, accepting, and supportive community that understands your unique needs.
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