How To Get To The “State Of Flow” For Gay Men Over 40!

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What is the state of FLOW?

State of flow is a state where your worries, uncertainty, ambiguity and fear go away and you get into action towards the goals and plans you have chosen. Gay men have more difficulty achieving the state of flow and benefiting from it. In this video and article I will share with you how to enter the state of flow and how to stay there for as long as possible.

The feeling you get from the consistent execution of your ideas is what I call the “state of flow”.  Let me share with you the process of entering into the state of flow and staying there:

I enter into that state of flow a few times a month. The way that I enter into it is through a three stage process – preparation, execution and maintenance.

Day 1: Preparation:

Exercise (walking) routine + meditation that starts out on the morning of Day 1. I go out for a long walk, I come back and do meditation. Before I go to bed I also do a brief meditation and then I go for another walk before going to bed. This allows me to clear out my mind from worries, fears and distractions.

Day 2: Execution:

On Day 2 I also start out with walking and meditation and then do the completion of the tasks that I have decided earlier on to complete.

At the END of Day 2 I am beginning to feel the emotions  from being “in FLOW”. Happy, optimistic and excited. It feels like being able to achieve the impossible – the self-esteem goes up, you feel an increased sense of efficacy, possibility and strength.

Day 3+: Maintenance:

Meditation, journaling and walking multiple times a day helps fight off the distractions and helps with focus & concentration.  The positive energies from meditation and from walking allow me to get into action and pick those goals that are more challenging.

The state of flow in itself is a motivating force. And when you enter that, you can really accomplish everything. It literally feels like you can accomplish any goal you choose, climb any mountain, you can become a millionaire and even billionaire – that’s the power of that feeling.


For me, what stops that feeling at some point is the interaction with another person. It could be a friend calling, or a trip to a grocery store. Both can disrupt the whole routine, so the tricky part about staying in FLOW is to first discover how you get in it and then eliminating the distractions.

But that is also tricky because to remain in the state of flow you have to spend lots of time by yourself and that may be difficult for some gay men.

Being in solitude is not easy. The state of flow can be extended to multiple days by eliminating the distractions, being comfortable spending time alone and not allowing social conditioning to affect your thoughts.

So state of flow is really the state that Steven Jobs, Elan Musk, and other successful entrepreneurs cultivate regularly. It allows them to be very successful with their ideas and companies.

So why is this important for you, you might be asking.  Well, gay life is more complicated because of the extra validation and acceptance that our identity requires.

Straight people get the validation and support automatically, gay people don’t. So there is this paradox about wanting to get into the state of flow yet needing constant validation and support from others.

It seems that a gay spirit today (this will change in 10 years) is in this ongoing desire to look for validation through positive statement about us, kind of like an octopus with 20 hands reaching out for confirmations that we are okay – and in that situation, entering the state of flow is almost impossible because validation-seeking becomes a distraction.

Gay men need to struggle a little but more to get there.  There is some mental gymnastics that’s involved, some discipline, some practice of meditation and exercise but I recommend that you try this out because once you are in the state of FLOW, it’s like being high but being high not from drugs but high from seeing yourself closer and closer to the ideal life that you want of live.

So with that I would like to invite you to discover how you can enter into your state of flow and if you need some help, I would love to coach you. Please click on this link to get a free session: