My first 2 relationships were with guys at least 15 years older than I. Here are the biggest mistakes that older people make and how to avoid them.
1. You think of your younger partner as a boy-toy for sex and fun purposes only.
This is the biggest mistake that will cost you the relationship. Everyone needs genuine love and interest in whatever they are doing. If your younger boyfriend is involved in activities that you find petty or not worth talking about – he will end up picking a fight and ultimately will leave you for someone who pays attention.
2. You take your younger boyfriend around to events to show him off.
This makes the younger guy feel used and cheap. Please do not do this. If you want to attend a party and bring him along, let him walk around by himself and do not introduce him to every single person as your boyfriend. If you do – you will come across as insecure and unstable.
3. You do not take your younger partners’ opinions seriously and you think you are the boss.
Every single older guy I was with was always guilty of this. Here is the truth: you aint the boss, you are supposed to be equal partners.
4. You are sensitive about your age.
This is very common and also easily fixed. The reason the younger guy likes you is for your experience and “wisdom”, so you really do not need to be sensitive about your age. It is actually your “asset” in the relationship. You probably do not think about it this way but its true. I always liked how old my boyfriends were but felt I had to tip toe around their birthdays because they didn’t want to be reminded of how old they are.
5. Money issues. When you do not offer to pay for minor expenses.
Here is the bottom line. If you are older you are supposed to be paying more for dinners, breakfasts, movies etc…That is how it works, period. If you go out on a date with a younger person and if you do not offer to pay you will come across as a loser and a cheapskate. I have found that when I go out with an older guy and he does not offer to pay, I would never want to go out with that person again. This rule is 1000’s years old so don’t try to change it. It simply will NOT WORK!
I would also be interested in the 5 biggest mistakes younger guys make when dating older guys. I have been in 2 relationships. My first relationship was with a guy 14 years my junior, he was 19 when we met and we lasted just 3 months short of 10 years. My 2nd was a guy 20 years my junior, he was 21 and we lasted 3 1/2.
From your statements above it sounds like it was always the older guys problems. But I refer you to your comments in #3 about being equal partners. Every relationship should be equal. – especially the money issues. Just because you’re younger doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay for anything – we like to be taken out and treated sometimes too. I am not afraid of my age because I know it is part of the attraction. I’ve always tried to do the things my partners wanted and our sex was always great they both left me because the just wanted too many different guys. I always felt I was the one being shown off because we always went where he wanted to go.
You are correct. The younger guys make mistakes also and we should probably come up with the most common mistakes that younger guys make – what do you think they are?
As far as the money thing goes – at the beginning, the older person should pitch in and pay but as the relationship develops, the younger guy should also participate. I think, percentage wise it should fall into: younger 30%, older 70%. However, if the younger guy has a higher paid job, the scenario should change, since whoever makes more money should pay more.